Resilient:

• able to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens
• able to return to an original shape after being pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.

A year ago today I was getting ready to fly down to Florida to see my grandmother as we just got some good news that things were starting to look better after a long/hard surgery.

A year ago today I felt like if I could just be with her – I could give her some of my strength and love – and that would be enough to get her through all of this.

A year ago tonight was the first night my mother was able to sleep and not worry about getting “that phone call” in the middle of the night.

A year ago tomorrow – I got “the phone call” that I never wanted to get. I was very close with my grandmother and I could not imagine not talking to her or seeing her ever again. I was absolutely crushed.

The last year has been long and some days have definitely been harder than others and I still miss her every single day. Not being able to share with her everything that is going on in my life/the kids’ lives has been hard – but then small things happen – that make me feel like the luckiest person alive.

My grandmother loved raspberries. Soon after we got back from the funeral – we bought a few raspberry bushes and planted them in the back yard. Every time I ate one from the bushes – I thought of her and it made me smile.

My grandmother was also an amazing cook. I absolutely loved her homemade noodles and blackberry pie. Over the past year I have made both of those a number of times and it makes me so happy that I have her recipes, in her handwriting. Whenever I make them – it makes me feel close to her. It also gives me great joy to see my kids enjoying them just as I did.

Not only an amazing cook – she was also a world class card player and my euchre partner at our annual family reunion. After she died, I did not know how I would ever play again – but I did this past July. Ken and I took home the trophy – which is such an honor in our family.

About two weeks ago I picked up my 3 year old twins at pre-school and while walking back to the car I squeezed his hand…and a few seconds, he squeezed mine back. While I did not realize it as I did it first – it was something she used to do with me when I was little. I almost cried at first – but then I ended up smiling.

These little things give me great comfort. I know her memory will live on and even though I know there are others with me that were not sure how we would go on – we did…and together we are resilient.

I miss you Gaga!