Don’t Settle


Someone who I care very much for is taking a big step today in their relationship…moving in with his girlfriend. As I am happy for him, I also wanted to share some key relationship tips that I have come to appreciate over the years. (I just celebrated my nine year anniversary this past weekend with A)

  • Don’t settle. You can settle with drinking light beer, or diet pop, or driving a Civic before being able to trade up, but once you are committed to your significant other you get what you get. You deserve the best in life and never think anything else. No one is perfect, but you should not have to “work” at being in a relationship.
  • Don’t force it. If it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be.
  • Be yourself. Friends and family love you for who you are…because you are who you are! Don’t be someone else with your significant other. If it was meant to be, they will love you for who you are. If they don’t, then they are not in love with you…they are in love with who they want you to be (which you will never be).
  • You cannot change the other person. Not many people who actually think they can change the other person believe this…but they will come to realize this one day or another
  • You will not change. You are who you are. See above
  • Drop the drama. Running out, throwing things, hiding, and etc is childish.
  • Communicate openly! I have watched Guiding Light for most of my life and if I have learned anything from this soap opera, it is that 99% of problem can easily be solved by being open and honest up front. If something bothers you about your significant other, tell them…do not think that keeping it inside will make it better….it will end up eating away at you and then make the situation 10x worse.
  • Compromise, but not at the cost of yourself. Yes it is true you now have to make mutual decisions, but remember compromise does not mean that you need to lose yourself. If something does not feel right, talk about it and come to an agreement where both people can accept the outcome.
  • Be respectful. Take the high road. Not everyone is perfect, nor will they make smart decisions all the time. Remember that respect works both ways.
  • Be patient. Not everyone thinks exactly the way you do so take time to think about the other person’s perspective.
  • There is help available when things go south. Friends and family – even counselors – are here to help you.
  • Lastly, remember we just want you to be happy!

Relationships can be tough, but in the end, a good relationship can bring years of happiness, and with all the garbage we deal with on a daily basis, it is always nice to come home to a loving and relaxing environment. Best of luck Robert!

5 thoughts on “Don’t Settle”

  1. Doug

    “Not everyone is perfect, nor will they make smart decisions all the time.” What the hell kind of elitist are you?

  2. MarkS

    After 15 years of marraige, I am now going through a divorce. I believe every one of those tips are very good ones.

    ABSOLUTELY do not settle. If the other person is trying to change you, if they can’t let you be who you are, or if they can’t express themselves openly and honestly, run away.

    Don’t wait until you have a couple of kids and you’re in your middle ages and seperate only after the relationship is a total train wreck.

    The other tip that I would add to this list that I think is very important is “Be forgiving and expect forgiveness. People make mistakes and true love is forgiving. If you find that you or your mate keep bringing up hurts or gripes from the past, chances are those feelings will never be erased. They will just continue to build along with new negative feelings that never seem to go away either. Eventually all of this will result in extreme bitterness and will someday explode in a real spectacle of a breakdown.”

    Don’t hesistate to find a good counselor *early* if you feel there are problems. They can be invaluable, if not to save the relationship, to at least have you coming out of it with yourself intact.

  3. jenz

    I am sorry to hear about your divorce, but I absolutely agree about the forgiveness tip. Thanks and best of luck!

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